Mum Seeks Life

Autumn Colours

2010-11-13T05:56:00.000-08:00

I don't know why I keep finding it so hard to blog these days - maybe because they all seem to be rolling into one big smoosh of grey and I don't find much to get pash about.

So to brush away the grey last week, I decided to embrace the colours of Autumn... by dying my hair bright red. It just took a packet of Passion Red from the supermarket to lift the clouds! The children had a complete shock when they woke the next morning to find a new mama in the house. Talking of houses, because we live near the woods now I feel rubbishio for not taking any photos of the intense colours on the trees in our square...(which have now all dropped on the floor and left sticky twigs in their place.) I am just amazed how gorgeous Autumn is this year and I get a little lift every time I drive back into my road. Note the word 'drive'. I feel like I forgotten what it's like to walk anywhere Tom is still at home full-time after I offcially withdrew him from his junior school.( I am still battling to get him into another school but everything to do with statements and money and councils is sooooo slow) but he doesn't walk anywhere. I know I should be tougher but it is hard having to fight him every day just to walk his sister to school so I give in. It's like a hidden disability - he is physically able to walk of course, but mentally, he finds it difficult - I find it so hard to motivate him to do anything he doesn't want to do. So the upshot is, I feel flabby and yuk and the 5am yoga kind of fell by the wayside after a week. It is just so hard to want to drag yourself up when the clocks go back and the mornings are so dark and rainy. It is just snuggle and eat weather. Like a bear, time to lay down winter fat and hibernate. But it is hard to face weekends without much for the children to do. They've all decided they don't like the woods which is a total pain in the bum considering that is pretty much all there is to do when you live next to some. I even considered getting a dog in the hope that it might enthuse them into walking again but I know that I would probably be the only one who ended up getting wet and cold whilst picking up poo.

So, I am trying to be a better mum and not leave Sponge Bob to do all Tom's schooling via the TV but it is very hard because
1) Tom hates reading, writing, or work of any kind
2) Doesn't listen to a word I say anyway and

3) Loves Sponge Bob more than me

Also, I'm finally really busy with my Squishy business and a lot of my time is taken up with orders.

So, to assuage some of the guilt, I bought a Wii with my earnings. Big mistake. Listening to them all argue over it has kind of taken the shine off. And now it looks like I will be fighting to use it too as my husband's just phoned me from town to say that he is buying me a Wii Fit. Think this could be a hint, but I am quite excited about doing some pretend jogging without anyone actually seeing me.
Just not looking forward to finding out how much I weigh or what my body mass index is.

Wish me luck...I may be gone some time.

Thunder Storm

2010-08-23T04:51:00.000-07:00

I just got really strict with my children. I was like a big mama thunder storm. I don't enjoy being that way but I think we all needed it to clear the air. The sun has actually come out in the sky too. Phew.

With things calm and reflective I can recognise the gorgeous in them all again and feel bad for not seeing it all the time... and then I feel all guilty because they will be back in the constraints of school again next week (and part of me can't wait).

It made me think of this quote by Pablo Casals, a Spanish cellist who actually said a lot of beautiful things.

'What do we teach our children in school?’ he asks. ‘We teach them that two and two make four and that Paris is the capital of France. When will we also teach them what they are? We should say to each of them “Do you know who you are? You are a marvel. In all the world, there is no other child like you. You have the capacity for anything. Yes, you are a marvel. And when you grow up, can you then harm another who is, like you, a marvel? The child must know that he is a miracle, that since the beginning of the world there hasn't been, and until the end of the world there will not be, another child like him.'

Blimey, makes me feel even worse now.

Better go and try to convince them of their marvelousness.

It's been a while...

2010-08-22T14:34:00.000-07:00

This year has been a bit of a weird one. Not just for me but for my friends too - a year of uncertainty and change, sadness and heartbreak, ups and downs. Earlier this year I wanted to hide from it all and I deleted my whole blog! I don't really know why but I stayed away from blogging and reading blogs only to find that I missed it. I missed being inspired by others, finding something uplifting in a day from a stranger on the other side of the world that makes me look at my world a little differently. I missed the way blogging helped me focus on the pretty details of life, the daily loveliness that surrounds me even on days that are difficult.
So I am back to my teeny corner of the web for a new start.
No pressure to add followers or make life look perfect.
Just going to see where it takes me again.
So for the record, things that have made me smile today:
Poppy looking gorg and actually letting me photograph her, Lily singing, Tom playing - even if it was just for half an hour
Danni Minogue Style Queen on ITV2 (so sad but I LOVE it!)
Cooking again - banana bread, tomato soup, courgette fritters - been so long since I felt inspired to bake and make that I thank Delia for her fail safe recipes
Having a lovely home to come back to after a disasterous camping trip to Dorset (five hours in a car to spend the night in a muddy field whilst wishing I had the kind of life that meant holidays in the Maldives)
Being here on planet Earth for another try at everything